I’d ask myself in a scornful, angry voice: What is happiness? Is happiness believing that you live a deep life in your lonely room? Or is happiness leading a comfortable life in society, believing in the same things as everyone else, or, at least, acting as if you did? Is it happiness or unhappiness to go through life writing in secret, while seeming to be in harmony with all that surrounds you?
I’m pretty sure if I had just said all that to my dad, he would have said:
“Come home.”
This is painful.
“For surely it is a magical thing for a handful of words, artfully arranged, to stop time. To conjure a place, a person, a situation, in all its specificity and dimensions. To affect us and alter us, as profoundly as real people and things do.” - JHUMPA LAHIRI
Do people change? Like, do they really change?
I think what I’m trying to say is, can we ever truly start over?
I’ve promised myself in the awake hours before sleep, on spontaneous trains of thought, and in moments of pain and regret that I will start over.
But I think I began when I began, I will end when I end, and everything in between should be embraced and not regretted. Right? Or should I just start over? Kidding.
Just trying to grapple with people. Good morning.
water flows freely, smoothing rocks in it’s path without getting stuck or caught up. let your life flow like water and smooth the rocks.
time has brought your heart to me, i have loved you
for a thousand years
i’ll love you for a thousand more
I just want to let you know that I love you with all of my heart, despite the moments I raise my voice, despite the distance that separates us both literally and in our own minds. I love you so much that it will put me to sleep tonight. Knowing you are here, though you are not physically here, I hope can be enough. You gave me my words; all of these words. Thank you.
HELL YEAH UCLA
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Photo: Chuck Kimmerle/University of North Dakota
What she said about bw is what I would say about life. It’s indescribable. You will have moments where you are so exhausted you won’t be able to stand up. You will cry when it gets so hard you want to quit. You will love wholeheartedly. You will wish passionately. You have been given the most difficult task: to live. But you do it every day, and you wouldn’t give it up for anything.
